my hospital month

It started as a simple fall. At least thats what I was told. She fell in the kitchen while carrying a large stock pot. Five days later, when I went to the house to see her again, it looked to be much more than that. After hours of arguing and stubbornness, we loaded her in an ambulance and took her to the emergency room.

Five days in ICU there. Two more back at home. Another ambulance ride back to the hospital. A seven day stint in ICU. One peaceful night in a room with no machines, no tubes, no scary buzzers and buttons.

Her liver had failed her. Then her kidneys. Then her heart. Her health was a house of cards and the bottom one had been pulled out. It had been pulled out from underneath all of us. In the span of two weeks, my life was like a snow globe. Everything that had been settled was shaken and swirling around me.

My mother died on Wednesday September 20th, 2006.

I'm writing this in part to explain where in the hell I've been. Short of Donna Day, this blog has (understandably) taken a backseat to life. I've cooked exactly one meal since all of this happened. Fear not, readers of this blog. I have been eating - 10 extra pounds worth since September 3rd. I've sat down to write something funny and interesting and foodie-related...but it just won't come out quite yet. Bear with me and be patient. I'll be tweezing again soon.

What I *am* able to write about is the amazing person that my mom was - and will always be to me. This post is a tribute to my best friend, my sounding board, my cooking teacher, and the greatest love I've ever known. The person who instilled my sense of humour, taste, and adventure in me. The funniest, smartest, wittiest, most devoted, giving person you would have ever met. Some of you out there had the honor of knowing my mom - I wish all of you could have.

I truly appreciate all of my friends and family that have been around me through all of this. Without the support I received in the past several weeks, I don't know where I would be. Seriously. You all mean the world to me.

Some of you have asked if there is anything you can do for me in this time of sadness. For that, I am forever grateful. My mom's other children were always her cats, all of which were adopted from shelters. In lieu of flowers or a donation to a large charity organization, I have chosen to establish a memorial in my mother's name at the Atlanta Pet Rescue and Adoption. They are a very small organization that takes in and finds homes for cats and dogs, many of which would be euthanized at other facilities. This no-kill shelter is always is dire need of funds and supplies. Donations can be made via check made payable to Atlanta Pet Rescue, mailed to the shelter at 720 14th Street, Atlanta GA 30318, or online at www.atlantapetrescue.org. If you make a donation, please let them know that it is in honor of Philis Hardeman. I am notified of each memorial donation. My hope is that if even some small good can come of my mother's death, then it won't feel so senseless to those people who miss her.

I love you, Mom. Always.

Comments

[erin]

I'm a relatively new reader of your blog, and I'm very sorry to hear about your mom. My thoughts are with you.

[Mary-Heather]

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. The pictures and your writing about your mother are beautiful. I know we've never met but I will be thinking of you and your family! Peace.

[Amber]

Tami, I had no idea. I'm so very sorry for your loss. Sending a big hug your way. If you need to talk, catch me on AIM. reachingxout

[Chloe]

I am so sorry for your loss! My condolences! :(

[barbara]

Tami - Your post is a beautiful tribute to your Mum. Hugs.

[Amy Sherman]

My condolences. Do take good care of yourself. Come back to blogging when you can, your readers will still be here. I know I will!

[Tony Clark]

We're all thinking about you. The meals on wheels will hopefully be carrying something blog worthy.

[Anita]

Tami,
I'm genuinely sorry for your loss. I definitely know what you mean about sitting down to write, but the words won't come. They will, eventually, and we'll wait.
~Anita

[heather]

There is so much love and tenderness in what you wrote. I am so sorry you lost your Mom and glad you were with her during her passing. I wish you serenity during your time of healing.

[matt]

Tami,

You and your mother will be in our thoughts. What a beautiful posting and we truly are sorry for your loss.

Your mom sounds like a one of a kind. What an amazing woman who raised an amazing daughter.

We'll all be here for you and will patiently await your return.

-matt and adam

[Bradley]

Sorry to hear about your loss. In two weeks it will have been ten years since I lost my mother. Most of my earliest memories were cooking with my family and it is something that my wife and I are passing down to our daughter.

[Dolores]

Wow. And I thought *I* had a rough September. Odd how quickly one's perspective shifts. Know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers Tami. And thank you for sharing your memories of you mother with us. She lives on in you and in every life you touch.

[zack]

Tami, you are in my thoughts. I'm grateful for getting the chance to meet your mother. My condolences on your loss. Take care of yourself and let me know if I can do anything.

[GadgetGeek2]

Tami I just now found out about your loss and my heart goes out to you. We don't know one another very well but trust in the fact that I know something of the loss you have just encountered. As many folks have said, let me know if there is anything I can do for you.

MwS

[L]

Tammy - I am so sorry for your loss. She sounds so wonderful, and I'm sure from your words, she would be so proud of what you are doing. Thank you for giving us readers something to do to help.

Be well, and take your time.

-L

[L]

oh, and I'm sorry I just spelled your name wrong too... people do that with me all the time. Darn fingers trying to type too fast...

[Bea at La Tartine Gourmande]

Oh Tami, so sorry for your loss. Your words would make her so proud. I am sending you lots of supportive thoughts. Take care and take your time!

[Amity]

Wow. I'm so sorry. You will be in my thoughts.

[Helene]

All my condolences to you and your family. Your mother would be proud of your strength.
You have written an incredible tribute to her. Thank you for sharing your story and her pictures.

[Kalyn]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. My mother died eight years ago, so I do understand how you are feeling, and it takes time to pick up the pieces and go on with your life. Take care of yourself during this time, and the blog will be there when you're ready to do it again.

[Ivonne]

My condolences. Your mom sounds like an incredible person and I think you've paid tribute to her in the most beeautiful way.

[Alanna]

Losing a Mom, I'm not sure it ever leaves you. My very wise back-door neighbor wrote this within hours of losing my Mom, it comforted me then, perhaps it will you, too. "A loss of a parent -- although part of the natural order -- is difficult. I can guarantee that she will never leave you. My mother has been gone 25 years -- and she is still a very important part of my every day life." Take thee care ...

[Stephanie]

Tami, I am so sorry for the wrenching grief and loss you feel now...when you are ready, I'd love to read a post about your Mother's favorite dish and all the ways she put her love into it. That will be a terrific celebration of her and connecting us all to her beauty through cooking.

[Feast]

I am so sorry for your loss. I wish her a peaceful journey and I wish for you peace. What a lovely tribute to your Mom. I must call mine now, while I can. Thank you.

[Liz]

Tami,

This is elizabethf from LJ. I pop in here now and again because I love the food posts you make and I just read your news. I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I will be making a donation in your mother's name. I wish there was more I could do. I feel great sadness over the pain that you're experiencing now.